Dreaming about Generational Lines; Truth & Sacrifice

A few days ago, I had a dream that startled me a bit. I suppose at this point it really shouldn’t have.

In this dream I was in a hotel room in a particular country (which this as well symbolized where I should be living or rather, the “spirit” of what I should be doing), and there was a lot of chaos going on. Initially, it was just my own simple room, but very quickly turned into a suite where men from past generations of my patriarchal line were present. They were all rushing about, very busy, getting ready for a wedding.

In addition to this, it seemed someone or something besides these deceased relatives wanted my attention. I just couldn’t get away from it all. Even some co-workers were present demanding my focus. I was trying to get ready for something myself, but couldn’t seem to find the time to prepare with all the obstacles present. My cell phone was ringing, and I received text messages reading “urgent message” more than once.

While all the commotion was going on, I suddenly looked across the room and a bunch of white goats wrapped in red ribbons came running in the main room of the suite. I knew they had all been prepared to be part of wedding photos. They started to urinate all over the carpet. I thought to myself, “How am I going to clean this entire mess up?” “I can’t stay here; I’ll have to find another place.” I was overwhelmed at how much damage was done in such a short amount of time.

I found the following on a Christian dream symbol website:

The Goat as a Christian Symbol represents oppressors, wicked men and demonic forces. The goat also symbolizes unrepentant sinners who will be separated from God on judgment day which is associated with the following Bible verse:

Matt. 25:31 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

I believe the goats to be symbolic according to the statement above (although I am not so simple minded as to immediately go there); as this quite simply is not the first time my generational line has been brought to my attention.

There is also often a sense that I have been seriously “hindered”, if you will, by forces beyond my control (in a certain sense, as it is understood Jesus gave us authority over such things), as the above statement notes as well.

So to put it bluntly, the goats have barged in and pissed all over my sanctuary. Or, THE sanctuary of the one true living God. It is this place I have strived to maintain, not perfectly of course, but it is everything to me.

Distractions. Chaos. Disobedience. I actually think I can sense the incredible stubbornness or wall that was built up in opposition to God in my generational lines. There is a tangible sense of a fierce self well and determination against the knowledge of God present.

After I surrendered my heart to Christ, I felt and began to understand as time went on the weighty decision I made. It was as if I was coming against a great darkness that of course would have in no way been possible without the sacrifice of Jesus.

I have been told on two separate occasions:

“You have been indented on the line”. (This came to me from an older women who didn’t know me, but was deeply spiritual. I believe it was a prophetic statement. )

“I have put generations of men under your feet”. (This came to me in my heart as I was cleaning one day.)

It has indeed been overwhelming at times. As noted above, I feel the weight in the spiritual realm of my particular circumstance every day. It has cost me dearly in one sense, as these sorts of things come at a very high price. Living through my current immediate family situation has brought much heartache into my life. There have been intense feelings of loneliness and isolation at times.

My sister has done some research regarding the patriarchal line of our family. A little over a year ago she traveled to visit a distant relative, and was able to see an old family homestead in another state. I assumed she asked a frank question about what sort of men were these…really. What I had been sensing all along was confirmed through this relative. Interesting.

So why has the message been brought to me again? Perhaps I have recently allowed too much distraction to get in the way of the call of Jesus. Perhaps it was meant to be a sobering reminder.

It’s not easy by any means, but I am always so touched at the Lord’s faithfulness. He continually brings us to a place where we are invited to acknowledge all the truth he wishes to reveal, if we are willing to listen. It is the truth that sets us free indeed.

God’s verdict is true and just; there is no shifting or double mindedness where He is concerned. Over the years, the message has been the same. The question is now what will I, or what will we (God and I) choose to do about it?

And again...he who has ears, listen to what the Spirit is saying.

I wasn’t expecting this in the least, but I had another dream I would like to share in reference to my previous post. I haven’t even been thinking about this topic very much recently, so I was a little surprised when I had it.

In my dream I was attending a huge outdoor gathering of thousands of Catholics. We were all seated and waiting with great expectation. The Pope was going to speak, and everyone desperately wanted to hear what he had to say. There was a sense that the outcome of this event was of great importance, and the people needed to hear something from him that would put them at ease.

Suddenly he sat in his seat, and it seemed very much like the “throne” of a king to me. His position was very high up above the people. And, he spoke about two sentences and that was it. I do not know what he said, but I remember it was of little substance and seemed to be a formality only. After speaking these two sentences, it was over. Just like that. People began to rise up out of their seats (some staggering in disbelief), and look at each other as if suddenly they had lost their foundation in life. For many, the weight was too heavy to bear. Suddenly where there was once unity, hope, and expectation, there was now confusion. People began to disperse and go in different directions. It was as if a bond was broken, a sacred bond.

The image that breaks my heart and sticks in my mind the most is that of an elderly gentlemen who was seated to the right of me and getting up out of his seat. I looked over at him…and he looked me right in the eyes. There was such pain and hurt in his eyes as he staggered out of his seat. I felt much compassion, and I hurt deeply for him. He was looking for answers, for help with a pleading in his eyes. It was as if he lost everything he believed in, in one short moment. It was gone, all over for him.

Now, I do not have an agenda or mission whatsoever to speak ill of the Catholic Church. But again, I thought it important to share what I have just written. I’ve seen a lot of different things recently, like Catholics announcing they are “proud” to be Catholic.  I find it all rather childish. I’ve also heard that many want to support the pope, or,  are asking for his resignation. I mean for goodness sake, just who and what needs defending here? Truth is truth. Let him who has ears, hear what the Spirit is saying.

Beware the leaven of the Pharisees....

I had a dream a couple of months ago where I was shown three distinct scenes that I believe were revealing to me things to come. Just to clarify, I don’t believe all dreams we have are necessarily messages given to us by God. I have many dreams that seem simply an array of images my subconscious has brought up while asleep.

However since my conversion experience, I began to have dreams that definitely seemed as if they were personal messages of direction, insight, warning, or encouragement. As I began to understand that God does indeed speak to us through dreams after speaking with others, and also in reading the scriptures, I began to take heed and “listen” more closely. And too, some were just so profound I could not have denied them. Some of these I have never even written down as it seems they were permanently etched in my heart and mind.

I have shared a few dreams in previous posts. In light of what I’m about to share, I would like to mention that I had a couple of dreams in which I believe I was strongly led back to the Catholic Church. Again, these I wrote about in previous posts.

Of the three distinct scenes I mentioned above, I would like to share one with you: I was alone, and kneeling in a chapel that was attached and adjacent to a huge cathedral. I could see and hear there was a Mass going on in the Cathedral with many in attendance, and the whole congregation was standing and singing a well known hymn. Everyone seemed very happy and joyful, as if they didn't have a care in the world. I was shown one person that I know personally who was also singing during this Mass. This person happens to adhere to and defend Church doctrine quite strongly (not necessarily a bad thing and quite noble with good intentions and a heart of love for God). I felt separate and in no way part of the congregation as I knelt alone on a white piece of carpet, right next to a pew in a small chapel that was beside this cathedral. I very much felt like an outcast for some reason. I was praying, asking for forgiveness for something quite serious, and weeping. All of a sudden, I looked up and a little boy stood right in front of me, motionless, as he stared straight ahead. The altar seemed huge and overbearing behind him. He said nothing, and he was wearing a white t-shirt that had “TRUTH” written on it in large black letters.

I believe with what the Church is now facing, the image speaks for itself quite powerfully. He who has ears, let him hear.

Immediately after having this dream I wondered perhaps if I was being shown something personal I needed to ask forgiveness for, in reference to my own faith and the Church. The image was simple and profound, but I was puzzled by it.

Now, just a couple of days ago the dream was brought back to my remembrance with the meaning given, as I was contemplating things that disturbed me in my heart regarding the Church. Another part of the dream that I did not share in this post has come to pass as well in a way that I could not have perceived at the time. As I was pondering recent events, it suddenly all made sense. The light was turned on and I could see the bigger picture.

I trusted God with all my heart when I believed I was led back to the Catholic Church. But, I went back well knowing I would never be a “religious” Catholic. I was never good at being “religious” in any circle for the sake of appearing devout. When I went through a time of intense searching in my early twenties I was looking for real answers, I was looking for Truth. I was shown the reality of the risen Jesus in a most profound way, and my heart could never deny it no matter what was going on around me. So yes, I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit but it has never been easy in this regard. God obviously knew this already, which is why I was told “do not be afraid”. I have always had a sort of disillusionment with the Church. I have for the most part accepted it thinking that following God had to be good enough without insisting I have all the answers.

Regarding the recent abuse reports in the news, in the past I in part blamed the media for an assumed over embellishment. I reasoned that such things happened in many other settings as well. I reasoned the Church was still a refuge to me in the midst of the type of "show business" American Protestant (charismatic or otherwise) Christianity that I had been involved in for a time. I reasoned the Church did many good and wonderful things as well. But, this is not an excuse to defend or hide the reality of the situation we as Catholics must face. It honestly seems the Church was and still is quite a hiding place for a lot of sick men. Beware, God is not mocked. Those who are willing must be a light shining in the darkness.

It is a noble thing to be a strong force of truth, beauty, and light in the world. But when that truth is in word and doctrine only, where no heartfelt action exists, it is worth absolutely nothing. When doctrine is proclaimed at the expense of innocent human beings, it is worth absolutely nothing. When tradition is upheld at the expense of true humility and human compassion, it is worth absolutely nothing. It must stink like rotting garbage in God’s nostrils.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” (Luke 12:1-4)

“Beware of the scribes, who like to go about in long robes, and to have salutations in the market places and the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feasts, who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation” (Mark 12:38-40)

And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! (Mark 7: 9-10)

Sacrifice & Restoration

A few days ago I imagined Jesus standing in front of an altar. He was passionately admonishing all those listening to remember or understand more fully the sacrifice He made for us, in assuming a human identity and giving His life for us. It was no small thing. What His decision cost Him is probably not fully understood by mankind in the slightest.

I was raised Catholic, so the image of a suffering Jesus on a cross is nothing new. Over the years one can almost become desensitized to this image.

What Jesus did for us is not an accessory we wear like a badge or an adorning piece of jewelry. His act cost Him everything, and this sacrifice was necessary for uniting mankind back to personal relationship with God. He gave His very life, and this sacrifice becomes our life if we receive it as such. In Catholic circles I have heard an individual’s acceptance of Christ’s sacrifice called a “conversion” experience. In Protestant circles one might hear the words “born again” or “saved”.

Yes, there are abuses, cultural clichés, and a lack of true understanding of what these words actually mean. But, it doesn’t take away the fact that yes, Jesus requires each of us to make the same sacrifice and share in His sufferings to become united to God for eternity. There is no other way this is accomplished. Eating His flesh and drinking His blood in the form of bread and wine should remind us of the seriousness of the covenant we have made with Him. I’m sure for many it does.

As I think back I remember the struggle and confusion in my heart regarding the decision I was about to make. I knew back then it wasn’t a light one and it would cost me everything, but also, I knew there was no other way. My confusion stemmed from the fact that I wanted truth and intimacy with God, but I didn’t want in any way to be a part of the culture I seemed suddenly surrounded with. In my thinking at the time, I felt that to accept Jesus fully was to as well accept the interpretation of others regarding His true nature. I write “fully” because I had always believed in Jesus since I was a child, but I didn’t understand the fullness of the gospel message.

I remember the exact moment where, in my heart I gave a full surrender to God. It must have been something like what Jesus felt when He submitted His will to God in the garden. I remember the emotional pain. I also remember a final letting go and that the room seemed to fill with light. I felt something supernatural was happening.

Every day I feel the sting of the sacrifice in my own life as a result of choosing to drink His cup. This comes in many ways as I am changed daily through the things I suffer. I also feel a glorious intimacy with Him and all of heaven, which could never have been realized by any other means. God can take us places we never thought possible, or more beautiful than we feel we are ever promised.

To illustrate I would like to share a dream I had once:

I was locked in one of three closets that were in the bedroom of my parents. My parents have three children. Suddenly, the door of my closet opened and I was free. As I walked out of the closet, I proceeded to walk down a long staircase just off the bedroom. When I got to the bottom of the steps I was standing in an ancient Roman garden in ruins. I could see pottery shards in the overgrown weeds that were bright blue and gold in color. I could tell just by looking at the shards that the pieces were quite beautiful at one time. There was also a fountain crumbling in the center of the garden. As I stood there looking at the scene I was completely overwhelmed. I knew I was given the job of restoring this garden, but felt helpless to do it alone. Just then, a group of people who had been standing behind me moved forward to stand next to me at my right and left side, and I knew that ultimately I wouldn’t be alone.

I knew from this dream I was being shown the beauty God wanted to ‘restore’ to my generational line. I assumed there was some sort of originally intended purpose in Him that had been lost. It certainly is not a task for the faint at heart. But, see what we can be shown if we surrender to Him? I would have never imagined such a thing without God. The sacrifice of Jesus was for the purpose of restoration, and so it is with us as well.

"Death is swallowed up in victory.
Oh death, where is your victory?
Oh, death, where is your sting?"

"You must protect the few roses in life."

I have a particular affinity toward flower gardens. I think flowers are magnificent in beauty and rich in symbolism. There is no end to what gardens and flowers can symbolize in regard to spirituality and religious faith.

Of all flowers, the rose is simply my favorite. I think I must be drawn to it for a reason. If I ever have a house or property of my own I would like to grow a rose garden. It symbolizes so much that is the core of who I am as a person. Words are sometimes not enough to convey the depth of the human heart, and this is why symbols are so vitally important. This is the reason for art I believe, and God our creator is quite simply the ultimate artist. God is brilliant in His wisdom in that the whole world is filled to the brim with rich symbolism in all that He has created, there is more than meets the eye in regard to created things. An oak tree is not simply a tree , or a dove a bird.

I have realized over time as an artist myself, relating to objects as symbols or symbolic gestures seems to be second nature to me. For example, I can't help but notice a child who naturally starts spinning in dance when we are listening to music together. I have encountered this a number of times with the children I have cared for...and I get it completely. It is natural to them. The universe is circular in movement. I was once told by a musician that it was discovered by physicists that music notes actually ascend upward in a circular/spiral motion, and that there are notes that humans have never even heard or discovered. So, when I see a child start to naturally spin in response to the music they are hearing.....I immediately think of the motion of the universe. There is even more to this, but I'll leave at that for now.

I had a dream once that I believe was one of the "big" ones of my life, and I would like to share it. I do believe this particular dream was given to me as a message to heed for the rest of my life. It was beautiful and timeless in its message, and rich in symbolism.

The dream started with a scene of me watching a group of young boys in line going to some sort of religious camp. Their camp director was an 'Assembly of God' pastor and the boys themselves were 'Baptist'. They were being forced down a hill toward the camp, as well as being forced to drink a health drink that was bitter in taste. I was hovering above them watching all of this, and I felt sorry for them. There was such a sense of helplessness and a feeling of these boys being trapped. I could not help them, though I wanted to. I walked away from this scene and suddenly came to a single, simple white house on a little hill. The sun was shining brightly, and the grass was so green and went for miles. There was a moment of peace, but I quickly sensed danger coming toward me although I could not see it yet. I entered the house and found a Catholic priest lived in the home alone. I looked out the window and saw a group of young men running toward us with a war cry...and I knew they meant to cause us harm. I kept thinking they were fraternity brothers for some reason. They all had white t-shirts on as well, which is interesting. Suddenly this priest and I started running around the house and shutting and locking all the doors and windows as a means of protection. When all was well and we were safe, the priest took me to an 'inner room' in the house and I knew that this was his personal space where he came to be alone. I was amazed to find brilliant art work everywhere, and a black leather recliner in the middle of the room. He was listening to one of my favorite musicians, Peter Gabriel (a lot of symbolism there if I may say so :)). He turned to look at me and said the only words spoken to me in the dream, "You must protect the few roses in life." And the dream was over and I woke up.

I had this dream almost ten years ago...and have told only a few close friends up to this point. I would be most interested in any additional thoughts anyone would have regarding the dream. It still seems like I had it only yesterday.

So, what are the roses in life that need protecting? I think this is a personal matter for everyone, and this dream was showing me what I should protect personally.

However, I believe it is also a universal message in scope regarding the present day Church. I quote.......,

"Catholic is an adjective derived from the Greek adjective 'katholikos', meaning "general" or "universal. In the context of Christian ecclesiology it has a rich history and several usages. Roman Catholics use the term "Catholic Church" to refer to the Church whether Western or Eastern, in full communion with the Bishop of Rome. The Catholic Church views catholic as referring to her attempts to spread throughout the whole earth, and her insistence to offer salvation to all people and cultures at all times. Catholic is one of the Four Marks of the Church, the other being unity, sanctity, and apostolicicity."

As our Nicene Creed states, "I believe in one, Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.

What I find so amazing in the dream, is that the Catholic Church is likened to a rose that must be protected. I don't believe this "message" if you will, was simply for my life, but it can be for all who seek rest and stability in their walk with Jesus. God's truth is universal, but we live in a world where not all are following His ways at the moment obviously. Even those that have acknowledged Christ can be lead or lead others astray as well, even if it is well meaning but misguided. As the symbols convey in the dream, there are many who will seek to attack and force their own agenda on anyone who will listen and follow. This is especially dangerous regarding the truth of following Christ.

I will end this post sharing an experience I had once:

Many years ago I was in distress trying to make a decision about a certain matter. I went to a church service, and there was a time for personal prayer requests after the main service was over. A women that I did not know, and who knew nothing of my dilemma came up to me and very gently but quickly whispered in my ear, "God does not force Himself on you", and then she quickly walked away. I never found out who she was.