Dreaming about Generational Lines; Truth & Sacrifice

A few days ago, I had a dream that startled me a bit. I suppose at this point it really shouldn’t have.

In this dream I was in a hotel room in a particular country (which this as well symbolized where I should be living or rather, the “spirit” of what I should be doing), and there was a lot of chaos going on. Initially, it was just my own simple room, but very quickly turned into a suite where men from past generations of my patriarchal line were present. They were all rushing about, very busy, getting ready for a wedding.

In addition to this, it seemed someone or something besides these deceased relatives wanted my attention. I just couldn’t get away from it all. Even some co-workers were present demanding my focus. I was trying to get ready for something myself, but couldn’t seem to find the time to prepare with all the obstacles present. My cell phone was ringing, and I received text messages reading “urgent message” more than once.

While all the commotion was going on, I suddenly looked across the room and a bunch of white goats wrapped in red ribbons came running in the main room of the suite. I knew they had all been prepared to be part of wedding photos. They started to urinate all over the carpet. I thought to myself, “How am I going to clean this entire mess up?” “I can’t stay here; I’ll have to find another place.” I was overwhelmed at how much damage was done in such a short amount of time.

I found the following on a Christian dream symbol website:

The Goat as a Christian Symbol represents oppressors, wicked men and demonic forces. The goat also symbolizes unrepentant sinners who will be separated from God on judgment day which is associated with the following Bible verse:

Matt. 25:31 "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

I believe the goats to be symbolic according to the statement above (although I am not so simple minded as to immediately go there); as this quite simply is not the first time my generational line has been brought to my attention.

There is also often a sense that I have been seriously “hindered”, if you will, by forces beyond my control (in a certain sense, as it is understood Jesus gave us authority over such things), as the above statement notes as well.

So to put it bluntly, the goats have barged in and pissed all over my sanctuary. Or, THE sanctuary of the one true living God. It is this place I have strived to maintain, not perfectly of course, but it is everything to me.

Distractions. Chaos. Disobedience. I actually think I can sense the incredible stubbornness or wall that was built up in opposition to God in my generational lines. There is a tangible sense of a fierce self well and determination against the knowledge of God present.

After I surrendered my heart to Christ, I felt and began to understand as time went on the weighty decision I made. It was as if I was coming against a great darkness that of course would have in no way been possible without the sacrifice of Jesus.

I have been told on two separate occasions:

“You have been indented on the line”. (This came to me from an older women who didn’t know me, but was deeply spiritual. I believe it was a prophetic statement. )

“I have put generations of men under your feet”. (This came to me in my heart as I was cleaning one day.)

It has indeed been overwhelming at times. As noted above, I feel the weight in the spiritual realm of my particular circumstance every day. It has cost me dearly in one sense, as these sorts of things come at a very high price. Living through my current immediate family situation has brought much heartache into my life. There have been intense feelings of loneliness and isolation at times.

My sister has done some research regarding the patriarchal line of our family. A little over a year ago she traveled to visit a distant relative, and was able to see an old family homestead in another state. I assumed she asked a frank question about what sort of men were these…really. What I had been sensing all along was confirmed through this relative. Interesting.

So why has the message been brought to me again? Perhaps I have recently allowed too much distraction to get in the way of the call of Jesus. Perhaps it was meant to be a sobering reminder.

It’s not easy by any means, but I am always so touched at the Lord’s faithfulness. He continually brings us to a place where we are invited to acknowledge all the truth he wishes to reveal, if we are willing to listen. It is the truth that sets us free indeed.

God’s verdict is true and just; there is no shifting or double mindedness where He is concerned. Over the years, the message has been the same. The question is now what will I, or what will we (God and I) choose to do about it?

And again...he who has ears, listen to what the Spirit is saying.

I wasn’t expecting this in the least, but I had another dream I would like to share in reference to my previous post. I haven’t even been thinking about this topic very much recently, so I was a little surprised when I had it.

In my dream I was attending a huge outdoor gathering of thousands of Catholics. We were all seated and waiting with great expectation. The Pope was going to speak, and everyone desperately wanted to hear what he had to say. There was a sense that the outcome of this event was of great importance, and the people needed to hear something from him that would put them at ease.

Suddenly he sat in his seat, and it seemed very much like the “throne” of a king to me. His position was very high up above the people. And, he spoke about two sentences and that was it. I do not know what he said, but I remember it was of little substance and seemed to be a formality only. After speaking these two sentences, it was over. Just like that. People began to rise up out of their seats (some staggering in disbelief), and look at each other as if suddenly they had lost their foundation in life. For many, the weight was too heavy to bear. Suddenly where there was once unity, hope, and expectation, there was now confusion. People began to disperse and go in different directions. It was as if a bond was broken, a sacred bond.

The image that breaks my heart and sticks in my mind the most is that of an elderly gentlemen who was seated to the right of me and getting up out of his seat. I looked over at him…and he looked me right in the eyes. There was such pain and hurt in his eyes as he staggered out of his seat. I felt much compassion, and I hurt deeply for him. He was looking for answers, for help with a pleading in his eyes. It was as if he lost everything he believed in, in one short moment. It was gone, all over for him.

Now, I do not have an agenda or mission whatsoever to speak ill of the Catholic Church. But again, I thought it important to share what I have just written. I’ve seen a lot of different things recently, like Catholics announcing they are “proud” to be Catholic.  I find it all rather childish. I’ve also heard that many want to support the pope, or,  are asking for his resignation. I mean for goodness sake, just who and what needs defending here? Truth is truth. Let him who has ears, hear what the Spirit is saying.

Beware the leaven of the Pharisees....

I had a dream a couple of months ago where I was shown three distinct scenes that I believe were revealing to me things to come. Just to clarify, I don’t believe all dreams we have are necessarily messages given to us by God. I have many dreams that seem simply an array of images my subconscious has brought up while asleep.

However since my conversion experience, I began to have dreams that definitely seemed as if they were personal messages of direction, insight, warning, or encouragement. As I began to understand that God does indeed speak to us through dreams after speaking with others, and also in reading the scriptures, I began to take heed and “listen” more closely. And too, some were just so profound I could not have denied them. Some of these I have never even written down as it seems they were permanently etched in my heart and mind.

I have shared a few dreams in previous posts. In light of what I’m about to share, I would like to mention that I had a couple of dreams in which I believe I was strongly led back to the Catholic Church. Again, these I wrote about in previous posts.

Of the three distinct scenes I mentioned above, I would like to share one with you: I was alone, and kneeling in a chapel that was attached and adjacent to a huge cathedral. I could see and hear there was a Mass going on in the Cathedral with many in attendance, and the whole congregation was standing and singing a well known hymn. Everyone seemed very happy and joyful, as if they didn't have a care in the world. I was shown one person that I know personally who was also singing during this Mass. This person happens to adhere to and defend Church doctrine quite strongly (not necessarily a bad thing and quite noble with good intentions and a heart of love for God). I felt separate and in no way part of the congregation as I knelt alone on a white piece of carpet, right next to a pew in a small chapel that was beside this cathedral. I very much felt like an outcast for some reason. I was praying, asking for forgiveness for something quite serious, and weeping. All of a sudden, I looked up and a little boy stood right in front of me, motionless, as he stared straight ahead. The altar seemed huge and overbearing behind him. He said nothing, and he was wearing a white t-shirt that had “TRUTH” written on it in large black letters.

I believe with what the Church is now facing, the image speaks for itself quite powerfully. He who has ears, let him hear.

Immediately after having this dream I wondered perhaps if I was being shown something personal I needed to ask forgiveness for, in reference to my own faith and the Church. The image was simple and profound, but I was puzzled by it.

Now, just a couple of days ago the dream was brought back to my remembrance with the meaning given, as I was contemplating things that disturbed me in my heart regarding the Church. Another part of the dream that I did not share in this post has come to pass as well in a way that I could not have perceived at the time. As I was pondering recent events, it suddenly all made sense. The light was turned on and I could see the bigger picture.

I trusted God with all my heart when I believed I was led back to the Catholic Church. But, I went back well knowing I would never be a “religious” Catholic. I was never good at being “religious” in any circle for the sake of appearing devout. When I went through a time of intense searching in my early twenties I was looking for real answers, I was looking for Truth. I was shown the reality of the risen Jesus in a most profound way, and my heart could never deny it no matter what was going on around me. So yes, I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit but it has never been easy in this regard. God obviously knew this already, which is why I was told “do not be afraid”. I have always had a sort of disillusionment with the Church. I have for the most part accepted it thinking that following God had to be good enough without insisting I have all the answers.

Regarding the recent abuse reports in the news, in the past I in part blamed the media for an assumed over embellishment. I reasoned that such things happened in many other settings as well. I reasoned the Church was still a refuge to me in the midst of the type of "show business" American Protestant (charismatic or otherwise) Christianity that I had been involved in for a time. I reasoned the Church did many good and wonderful things as well. But, this is not an excuse to defend or hide the reality of the situation we as Catholics must face. It honestly seems the Church was and still is quite a hiding place for a lot of sick men. Beware, God is not mocked. Those who are willing must be a light shining in the darkness.

It is a noble thing to be a strong force of truth, beauty, and light in the world. But when that truth is in word and doctrine only, where no heartfelt action exists, it is worth absolutely nothing. When doctrine is proclaimed at the expense of innocent human beings, it is worth absolutely nothing. When tradition is upheld at the expense of true humility and human compassion, it is worth absolutely nothing. It must stink like rotting garbage in God’s nostrils.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” (Luke 12:1-4)

“Beware of the scribes, who like to go about in long robes, and to have salutations in the market places and the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feasts, who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation” (Mark 12:38-40)

And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! (Mark 7: 9-10)

"Rest in the fact that I have overcome the world!"

I was on an outing after working one evening earlier this week, and thinking heavily about something that was bothering me. Reflection is always good and necessary to a degree. But, it can at times get to a point if left unchecked, we may unnecessarily take on burdens instead of quickly letting them go and moving on.

As I continued to run errands I was praying internally for peace and direction in the situation I was concerned with. I continued asking forgiveness as well if I had so far taken any approach that was not suitable.

I love how God can at times break through our thoughts and problems of the day and bring an instant peace to our hearts. Just as I sat down to wait in a store for something I had ordered, the words that suddenly and unexpectedly came to my heart were” “I want you to rest in the fact that I have overcome.”

My first thought was, “That’s it?” I smiled to myself as I at first thought this statement was quite humorous. Humorous because I am by nature an inquisitive person and I like answers! It is hard for me to accept at times that something just “is”. I have to know the reason why things are a certain way. Sometimes in my attempt to simplify a situation, I actually end up over complicating it.

I was also excited though. I knew this simple statement was a “big” one, and not in the least bit meant to be humorous. This statement is so majestic, and so final. It is Truth, it is peace, and it is security. The fact is Jesus is the final exclamation point, if you will, on all that ever was, is, and ever will be. He is the Alpha and the Omega.

In this life, there will be trials simply because we live in a fallen world. The Holy Spirit can indeed show us mysteries, give us discernment, and of course do great wonders. But, there is an aspect of life where daily trials are ordinary and to be expected. We will face trials that we may not always receive direct answers for. Perhaps an "answer" would be more than we can handle.

I was also pondering the fact that I need to be a little easier going on myself when I do make mistakes. Living in a world where perfection does not exist, will cause some of our reactions in certain situations to be imperfect. This is a human problem. God's mercy is new every morning. It’s almost as if I was being told:  “Get over yourself and move on, I have overcome all. And, once and for all rest in that knowledge.”

I want to be clear though, there is a time for pressing in and being determined that answers will come, in certain situations. This is the kind of faith that Jesus marvels at I think. Don’t ever let go of such tenacity, but discern the times when we need to step back and let go. Or, while we are waiting for answers that haven’t come yet, simply rest in the fact that whatever the outcome of any situation, He truly already has overcome all.

We live in what can be a mysterious and complicated world at times. Some things I’m sure are simply too big for us to handle. However, at the end of the day...there is One who has overcome all.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

You Must Know Him

I had a dream years ago which helped set the course of my spiritual walk I believe to where I am today. At the time of my dream I was attending a small non-denominational charismatic church in the mid-west. Looking back, it was one of the most traumatic periods of my life as I tried to navigate a culture I could not relate too nor tolerate in good conscience for very long. What was so traumatic at times was the intense confusion brought about by the presence of some truth and sincerity mixed with more error and religious self righteousness.

My dream:

I was attending a Sunday service with this group. Suddenly, I stood up on a chair and called out to them, “You must KNOW Him, you must KNOW Him!” Many in attendance were walking past me and looking away as they seemed oblivious to my words. They wouldn’t or couldn’t hear me. (It felt a little like I could have been Joan of Arc as she defied the cautious strategy that characterized French leadership during her time.) I had a long black dress on, which I later understood to symbolize mystery and femininity I believe. Mystery and femininity often are linked together…and can also be symbols of the Holy Spirit.

This dream came at a time when I was starting to distance myself from this group with not a few raised eyebrows. It was a comfort to me as it affirmed what I was already feeling. That is, the culture of Christianity around us often has little to do with the person of Jesus who walked the earth. As a matter of fact, they are so diametrically opposed to one another that anyone moving in these circles (whatever denomination) who does not truly desire to know God, will likely become their worst possible selves. There is just something insidious to the core when there is a ‘quest for God’ within all the man made props we form internally and outside of ourselves. God will never be found there. (I’m not referring to certain tools of devotion we may use from time to time like art or certain sacred objects.)

When Jesus was speaking with the Samaritan woman at the well, He answered her referral to places of worship like Jerusalem and that of a certain mountain by saying, “Women, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.”

Around this time as well, I had another significant experience: I was sitting alone at a table with different versions of the bible, a concordance, and some bible commentaries. In the circles I associated with at the time there was a strong focus on bible study, and getting to ‘know’ God this way. Suddenly, it felt like a presence seemed to come into the room, and from behind me. I looked up from what I was reading and felt what can best described as a hot chill within and around me. These words strongly came to my heart, “Cheri, when you want to get to know someone, do you read a book about them?”

I understood at that moment, that while the scriptures are a tool and contain the living Word of God (and I refer to them frequently in my postings), they are not all of God’s words. Neither are all of Christ’s actions contained within. There is a knowing Jesus that only comes from our personal communion with Him, and this is what He is most jealous for in us.

In Matthew Chapter 7, Jesus lays out some very strong points in reference to what walking with Him honestly entails. Some of these include not being judgmental of others without first looking at our own actions; not casting your pearls before swine and giving what is holy to dogs; anyone who is truly seeking should ask and they will find; enter by the narrow gate; and beware of false prophets who come in sheep’s clothing. All of these are quite serious and could each be elaborated on further at some length.

His final point which comes directly after these, I believe is the most sobering: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.’ (Matthew 7: 21-23)

This is where true discernment is so vital. There are actually those who consider themselves to be strong Christians, performing certain spiritual acts that they are convinced are the gifts of the Holy Spirit in action, and these are absolutely nothing of the kind.

The reason I am so passionate about this subject is that in my own personal walk with Christ, I had to fight so hard to be where I am today, and it is sometimes a very lonely place. Even after I returned to the Catholic Church, I found my walk isolating. It saddens me when I see Catholics following after or taking part in much of what I referred to above. As Catholics we have a treasure in the universal message and understanding of Christ’s salvation that transcends the factions that tear apart and divide.

I never came into this because I was searching for easy answers. Many nights I cried myself to sleep as I struggled with the confusion and chaos of much that surrounded me. I still do at times. It can truly be fight to get to know the true person of Jesus, instead of all that functions in His name only.

I have always wanted to simply know God. To know who He really is. I love the mystery of it all. Many times when I’m feeling the pressure surround me, I have learned to retreat to His presence when I’m alone. In the last two years or so, what comes to me more often in these times is this: A simple but profound declaration: “I AM”

"……….they put Jesus in show business, now it’s hard to get in the door.” U2