"Worship Me"....

A recent evening I was spending time alone in prayer before going to sleep. I felt a unique (for lack of a better word) sense of God’s presence that I haven’t in a while, or perhaps never before in some aspect.

It was a sense of “knowing” God separate from our human understanding and perception. In an instant I was reminded that He is not like us. This is the reason we worship Him. It is so easy with all that is available to us in the physical realm of our faith, to fall into a place where God perhaps becomes too "familiar", and we begin to think that He is in some way like us.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, and Jesus came to us as a man….God with us for a time on earth, as He is with us now seated at the right hand of God. Although Jesus humbly submitted to God in His incarnation and experienced many of the things we do, He was always above it and never completely like us. Many things He said testified to this.

It may seem to some that I am simply stating the obvious, as to many the true meaning of worship means different things.

I am referring to that place we may go in our hearts where we abandon ourselves into His presence, and let go of anything that has to with our own perception and humanity. In doing this, we acknowledge His majesty as we fall upon that Force that shatters us into a million pieces and transforms us. 

As I began to pray that evening,…a holy presence seemed to enter the space around me and within me. And these words with such love and passion behind them came to me…....”Worship Me”. My words instantly fell away from my heart and mind and I remembered that God seeks, desires, and loves our worship. This is what we were ultimately created for…and no man can truly be at peace unless His heart is given to worship the living God.

What’s interesting is that His presence in this manner has not left me for two days now. I can be busy at work or quiet at home and it is the same. We need to have moments and times when we can get away to quiet place, but I’m realizing that a heart focused on adoring God can do it all times….in any circumstance. It’s an attitude of the heart, but it is also a gift and a privilege.

Even as people of faith, we can get caught up in searching for happiness and significance in so many ways and things outside of God’s presence. When, what we need is only one thing….and that is a heart that truly desires to know Him and love Him for who He really is. It is through this, that everything else falls into place. With an attitude of worship prevalent in our hearts we are more likely to remain vigilant, focused, humble, joyful, and able to put everything that concerns us in its proper place. And that place is at His feet and under His majesty. An attitude of worship keeps us in communion with Him. Even when we are in fear and uncertainty, we should worship Him as He is God and above all.

God is separate…He is …other…not like us. And yet, He draws us ever closer in intimacy and love when our hearts are moved to worship Him in spirit and truth. This is a great mystery I think…...it leaves me in awe.

Sympathy for Satan

I had planned on writing about something else as I stated in my last post, but that can wait for now. I wanted to share a significant recent event.

I think as a Christian, it can be a tough call at times how we handle the situations we encounter with others. I often think of the wisdom of Jesus when He said that we should be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. Sometimes I’m good at the innocent part, but this also tends to get me into some trouble in the area of remaining shrewd and vigilant. When the shrewd part of me comes out, I worry I haven’t been compassionate enough, turned the other cheek, or prayed for my enemies as God would have me do. I have concern that perhaps I’m being judgmental, because only God can judge righteously. Only God can see the depths of another person’s heart.

There is one particular time I remember a few years ago, when someone did something to me that was quite cruel actually. It was a colleague that I worked with at the time. I of course was angry and thinking that surely this was some sort of low-life of an individual. I remember arriving home later that evening, as the Holy Spirit immediately prompted me to forgive, and to get on my knees and pray for this person. I remember so distinctly the words “You must forgive. You don’t know the burdens he carries.” And so I did. I did know some of his circumstances, and so I could understand this most certainly. However, God certainly saw and understood the whole of a situation I could never see the way He did.

I remember a letting go in my heart of the offense, and I actually sent an email eventually as a peace offering. I think this person was astounded to be quite honest. We haven’t spoken since, but the matter was left in peace and I truly wished him well and freed from his burdens.

I encountered a situation recently with a person who I believe was not being honest with me. I even believe I was perhaps warned about my involvement with this person, but didn't want to read too much into the experience at first. This has turned out to be quite a different experience than the one mentioned above. A few days after a confrontation that did not go well, I was feeling rather put off by it all, and just sad. I was already missing this person, and compassion arose in my heart toward them. Immediately the phrase, “Sympathy for the devil” became prominent within my heart and mind. And then: “You must stop having sympathy for Satan.” Whoa…I wasn’t expecting this. It certainly stopped me in my tracks.

Throughout the day, whenever I would think of this person and begin to feel badly, those words would come to me over and over again. As I was driving home from work…it happened again.

So, evidently, I’m not supposed to have any sympathy toward this person's actions. I’ll leave the reasons why to God. There are those situations that we must leave with God alone. I remember reading a blog post of a follower of this blog, in which the writer stated she felt she was told not to pray for a particular person. God has His reasons.

I don’t think this type of experience is for those people of faith who are more simple minded, and only feel comfortable with one type or kind of image of Jesus. I’ve seen this so much within Christianity over the years, in that, many are serving only an image of Jesus that brings them certain comfort or fits with their own ideals of who they want Him to be. In my experience, if you really want to know Him for who He really is, you have to check this at the door. For those who are willing to walk with Him, He is utterly amazing…and can never be put in a box.

Jesus is as shrewd as He is humble and merciful. We shouldn’t expect or demand one without the other to suit ourselves.

And again...he who has ears, listen to what the Spirit is saying.

I wasn’t expecting this in the least, but I had another dream I would like to share in reference to my previous post. I haven’t even been thinking about this topic very much recently, so I was a little surprised when I had it.

In my dream I was attending a huge outdoor gathering of thousands of Catholics. We were all seated and waiting with great expectation. The Pope was going to speak, and everyone desperately wanted to hear what he had to say. There was a sense that the outcome of this event was of great importance, and the people needed to hear something from him that would put them at ease.

Suddenly he sat in his seat, and it seemed very much like the “throne” of a king to me. His position was very high up above the people. And, he spoke about two sentences and that was it. I do not know what he said, but I remember it was of little substance and seemed to be a formality only. After speaking these two sentences, it was over. Just like that. People began to rise up out of their seats (some staggering in disbelief), and look at each other as if suddenly they had lost their foundation in life. For many, the weight was too heavy to bear. Suddenly where there was once unity, hope, and expectation, there was now confusion. People began to disperse and go in different directions. It was as if a bond was broken, a sacred bond.

The image that breaks my heart and sticks in my mind the most is that of an elderly gentlemen who was seated to the right of me and getting up out of his seat. I looked over at him…and he looked me right in the eyes. There was such pain and hurt in his eyes as he staggered out of his seat. I felt much compassion, and I hurt deeply for him. He was looking for answers, for help with a pleading in his eyes. It was as if he lost everything he believed in, in one short moment. It was gone, all over for him.

Now, I do not have an agenda or mission whatsoever to speak ill of the Catholic Church. But again, I thought it important to share what I have just written. I’ve seen a lot of different things recently, like Catholics announcing they are “proud” to be Catholic.  I find it all rather childish. I’ve also heard that many want to support the pope, or,  are asking for his resignation. I mean for goodness sake, just who and what needs defending here? Truth is truth. Let him who has ears, hear what the Spirit is saying.

Beware the leaven of the Pharisees....

I had a dream a couple of months ago where I was shown three distinct scenes that I believe were revealing to me things to come. Just to clarify, I don’t believe all dreams we have are necessarily messages given to us by God. I have many dreams that seem simply an array of images my subconscious has brought up while asleep.

However since my conversion experience, I began to have dreams that definitely seemed as if they were personal messages of direction, insight, warning, or encouragement. As I began to understand that God does indeed speak to us through dreams after speaking with others, and also in reading the scriptures, I began to take heed and “listen” more closely. And too, some were just so profound I could not have denied them. Some of these I have never even written down as it seems they were permanently etched in my heart and mind.

I have shared a few dreams in previous posts. In light of what I’m about to share, I would like to mention that I had a couple of dreams in which I believe I was strongly led back to the Catholic Church. Again, these I wrote about in previous posts.

Of the three distinct scenes I mentioned above, I would like to share one with you: I was alone, and kneeling in a chapel that was attached and adjacent to a huge cathedral. I could see and hear there was a Mass going on in the Cathedral with many in attendance, and the whole congregation was standing and singing a well known hymn. Everyone seemed very happy and joyful, as if they didn't have a care in the world. I was shown one person that I know personally who was also singing during this Mass. This person happens to adhere to and defend Church doctrine quite strongly (not necessarily a bad thing and quite noble with good intentions and a heart of love for God). I felt separate and in no way part of the congregation as I knelt alone on a white piece of carpet, right next to a pew in a small chapel that was beside this cathedral. I very much felt like an outcast for some reason. I was praying, asking for forgiveness for something quite serious, and weeping. All of a sudden, I looked up and a little boy stood right in front of me, motionless, as he stared straight ahead. The altar seemed huge and overbearing behind him. He said nothing, and he was wearing a white t-shirt that had “TRUTH” written on it in large black letters.

I believe with what the Church is now facing, the image speaks for itself quite powerfully. He who has ears, let him hear.

Immediately after having this dream I wondered perhaps if I was being shown something personal I needed to ask forgiveness for, in reference to my own faith and the Church. The image was simple and profound, but I was puzzled by it.

Now, just a couple of days ago the dream was brought back to my remembrance with the meaning given, as I was contemplating things that disturbed me in my heart regarding the Church. Another part of the dream that I did not share in this post has come to pass as well in a way that I could not have perceived at the time. As I was pondering recent events, it suddenly all made sense. The light was turned on and I could see the bigger picture.

I trusted God with all my heart when I believed I was led back to the Catholic Church. But, I went back well knowing I would never be a “religious” Catholic. I was never good at being “religious” in any circle for the sake of appearing devout. When I went through a time of intense searching in my early twenties I was looking for real answers, I was looking for Truth. I was shown the reality of the risen Jesus in a most profound way, and my heart could never deny it no matter what was going on around me. So yes, I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit but it has never been easy in this regard. God obviously knew this already, which is why I was told “do not be afraid”. I have always had a sort of disillusionment with the Church. I have for the most part accepted it thinking that following God had to be good enough without insisting I have all the answers.

Regarding the recent abuse reports in the news, in the past I in part blamed the media for an assumed over embellishment. I reasoned that such things happened in many other settings as well. I reasoned the Church was still a refuge to me in the midst of the type of "show business" American Protestant (charismatic or otherwise) Christianity that I had been involved in for a time. I reasoned the Church did many good and wonderful things as well. But, this is not an excuse to defend or hide the reality of the situation we as Catholics must face. It honestly seems the Church was and still is quite a hiding place for a lot of sick men. Beware, God is not mocked. Those who are willing must be a light shining in the darkness.

It is a noble thing to be a strong force of truth, beauty, and light in the world. But when that truth is in word and doctrine only, where no heartfelt action exists, it is worth absolutely nothing. When doctrine is proclaimed at the expense of innocent human beings, it is worth absolutely nothing. When tradition is upheld at the expense of true humility and human compassion, it is worth absolutely nothing. It must stink like rotting garbage in God’s nostrils.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.” (Luke 12:1-4)

“Beware of the scribes, who like to go about in long robes, and to have salutations in the market places and the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feasts, who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation” (Mark 12:38-40)

And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! (Mark 7: 9-10)

Going Underground

Recently when I was contemplating one morning, I felt that all too familiar, but arresting Voice say to me: " You are going underground". It was explained to me that, there is a place with God among His people that I have yet to experience. I sensed this place is not to be found among the typical Christian circles that I have been accustomed to. I had a dream which seemed to verify this a few days later.

For the record, I haven't really moved in Christian circles for quite some time. My heart just hasn't been in it. If you knew me and my history you would understand, I think.

It makes sense that it would come to this in that, I'm at a stage in my walk where I can barely stomach so much that I see around me in the name of Christianity, even among Catholics. Well sometimes, especially Catholics.

This theme is really nothing new to me, it can be seen in a few of my past posts. For some reason it's becoming more pronounced though in my heart.

I see a lot of denial and childish play more than I see truth and honesty in following Jesus. I become so angry when I witness people playing with the Holy Spirit as if He is some puppet to be manipulated, or they simply deny Him altogether. He certainly does not need me to defend Him in the least, as He is all power and glory. The First and the Last. So many seem to want to play Christianity more than they really want to know God.

I have noticed in the last few months my tolerance for b.s. is becoming increasingly limited. It never was that strong to begin with. In the past I may have lingered for a time in the name of compassion, but now I just walk away, and I do it quickly. I have learned that in certain instances my compassion was misguided. I no longer try to explain myself, or try too hard to be understood. I just move on. I'm starting to become much less concerned with what people think, in the right sense. I don't mean in the sense that I won't listen and take in what another well meaning and sincere person has to say to me.

I'm not angry in the wrong sense either. I believe I feel a righteous anger, as far as I can tell. I'm not unhappy in a sense of feeling hopeless. I am most definitely hopeful....and I believe I have gone through everything I have for such a time as this. It's all coming together. I have to go where my heart is led.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." I feel like shouting from a mountain to all of Christendom, "Learn what this means!". But, I have learned over the years that purity of heart is something you either have....or you don't. It's not something that can be learned. It is the gift of God.

I'm going to conclude by posting something written by A.W. Tozer. He was not Catholic, but he was and still is truly a voice in the desert. I love his book, "The knowledge of the Holy".

I read the following for the first time today....and all I can say is that I can relate so much. It was a comfort to me to find it. This man has articulated very well what I honestly feel on a daily basis.


THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN
by A.W. Tozer
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.


"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4: 1-4)

Seeing With the Eyes and Heart of Jesus

I would like to share something that is very dear to my heart.

Ever since I had my conversion experience in which the Holy Spirit "moved in" if you will, I have noticed over the years that there have been some changes in my perception of things. When Jesus comes to us to reside within our inner most being, I believe we at times see with His eyes and feel what He feels regarding the world around us.

It’s as if a whole new world is opened up to us beyond what we normally were able to comprehend in the past. Seeing with the eyes of the Spirit is just that, the converted soul is able to see beyond the here and now. It is able to see eternal things.

I think a big thing for me is that I can at times see other people how Jesus sees them…and it’s an amazing thing. Mostly I have kept this to myself, and it has become such a normal part of my every day experience. Also, it comes with a deep burden or even pain at times, as my eyes are opened to who certain people are meant to be or become. Yet, they may be in darkness in their heart and mind for a variety of reasons. If only they could know how Jesus sees them…and who He created them to be.

I think this particularly hits home with me, as in looking back I see how Jesus took me from such darkness and set me free. I allowed Him to show me things I never would have imagined in a million years. I was in a prayer meeting one night years ago…and this precise prophetic word was given to me: “I will show you things that you can’t even imagine.” And my dear friends, He has…..He certainly has remained faithful to His promise. And many times this concerns His love for other people. The Lord's heart is so beautiful...and filled with such depth. This He can impart to us if we let Him.

A particular instance comes to mind. Not long ago I went out with my sisters for a night on the town. As we were leaving a dance club, I was sort of walking behind them and enjoying their laughter and back and forth banter. When the three of us get together we are quite funny actually. I noticed how we looked so “east coast” wearing our long black coats and black boots. As we left the club, there was a young man putting trash in a bin from another night spot across the alley. My sisters immediately went over to him and said hello…and then good night to him. They didn’t think anything of it, but I could tell by the look on the man’s face it seemed to really make his night that someone would go out of their way to say hello to him. I saw a warm smile appear on his face as he lifted his head with a look of surprise. I immediately felt the Lord’s pleasure in this. Not anyone else coming out of the club even noticed he was there.

We all walked on for a bit soon passing a parking garage on the way to look for a cab. Again, there was a young man tending to customers and their cars, but he wasn’t busy at the moment. My sisters walked into the garage from the sidewalk, and began to include him in an ongoing conversation about professional boxing that had started a block away. You could tell this was something this young man was very familiar with by his welcoming of the conversation! You could tell by the look on his face that this was putting some gladness into his night. He was smiling from ear to ear. I was still standing on the sidewalk taking this in, when I immediately felt the Lord’s pleasure again….and it was almost if I could feel Him looking through my eyes. His presence just suddenly seemed stronger. There were many groups of people walking all around us as the clubs were closing, and no one else came in to speak to this man.

As we all continued to walk toward finding a cab, I pondered how the Lord took pleasure in what He just saw. I felt His love for my sisters….and His compassion toward people in general…and the pleasure He feels when we show the smallest act of kindness toward others….especially strangers.

What I love too is that even though there was the occasional socially acceptable profanity spoken, cigarette smoke wafting, and a slight buzz going, Jesus certainly wasn’t too concerned about it…nor did He seem to hear it. What He loved was the kindness shown to a stranger, and the fellowship of laughter and friendly banter. And this has been my experience with Jesus when it comes to other people, that He is often not too offended by the things many of those who claim to follow Him are. I’m not advocating those things that some might find offensive….I’m just sayin’.

I see true greatness in many people…and I feel such a depth of emotion that they can’t see it or grasp how God loves them….and KNOWS them. I cannot even really find adequate words for what I feel. He wants them to know Him in the same way. My sisters have probably forgotten that night, and to them it wasn’t a big deal. However I know the the One was greatly pleased. I wonder about all the times we have forgotten where we may have done something that pleased Jesus.

What I have written about is only one example of many. We are truly His hands, His feet, and His heart on earth. Whatever you do the least of these, you do it for Him.

The Secret Place of the Most High

I love the fact that God has a secret place. It means to me there must be something about Him that is mysterious and hidden, and not out in the open for all to see. Well, it is written that no man can see Him and live.

You could say that God is not necessarily an open book. He is not the “show business” type of god that so many make Him out to be. Despite the magnificence of creation all around us; God still chooses to remain a mystery, silent on many things we wish He would speak about, and all together entirely “other” than ourselves. Indeed He calls all men to Himself, but few are actually chosen. See, there is some mystery in this I think. And, just think for a moment how many centuries passed before Jesus was actually born, even though the promise of a coming messiah was well known. Might have part of the reason been that God was properly cautious, and didn’t reveal His heart before He was ready? Of course I’m speculating, but I wonder.

For those of us that believe in God and abide in His presence, we are hiding in this secret place. We are under the protection of the Almighty and His shadow covers us. This place is not seen by everyone, but we know as His beloved, that it exists. It is a place of refuge, a true light in the darkness. When the world around us becomes bitter to our soul and draining to our spirit, we can retreat into His presence where we may have the sweetest communion.

As I’m writing this post a memory keeps coming to my mind. I haven’t thought of this for quite some time. Perhaps there is a purpose at this time in recalling it. For me, and for any who could benefit from reading this.

When I was only fifteen or sixteen years old, I started having personal encounters or experiences where I believed and understood that the Holy Spirit was drawing me in closer, although I wouldn’t have referred to it as such at the time. At this time I also wore a charm bracelet that my aunt had started for me when I was around eight years of age.

One day, I walked down to a local Catholic shop to look at some charms to add to my bracelet, and I noticed a blue/sterling silver charm which had a dove engraved on it. I knew I had to have this charm, as it properly commemorated what was happening in my heart. I didn’t have the money for it right away so I saved my allowance until I could purchase it. I would go into the store from time to time to make sure it was still there. When I finally had the money, I remember running to the store as fast as I could. I honestly remember feeling that I couldn’t get there fast enough. No one else knew about this charm or the purchase. I wore this bracelet for many years, eventually taking all charms off except the engraved dove. I think I even had it blessed. The charm was a constant reminder to me that I had a place of refuge far from all that could ever harm or destroy. It was a reminder to me that there was One who loved me and was calling me to Himself.

Whenever I looked at this charm, I was brought back to the time when I can honestly say I first felt the Holy Spirit’s presence. I was sitting in my room in my childhood home studying, but feeling quite sad and alone at that moment. I remember looking up and out of my bedroom window, at the precise moment a very gentle, light, and refreshing breeze came into my room. The window was not even open. It happened in an instant. My first thought was not that this was Jesus or God….but that this was most surely the Holy Spirit. And, as a Catholic I already understood that all three were One. I felt a love in my heart beyond words and I silently started to cry. I just remember letting the tears flow as I began to relax in the Presence. This was such a humble and gentle Presence, but also very powerful. I honestly remember feeling all of this at once. It was an introduction and invitation at the same time it seemed.

No one knew about this experience of course, and I didn’t tell anyone for quite a long time. No one noticed my new charm on my bracelet either. But…… I was beginning to discover the Secret Place of the Most High.