Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Secret Place of the Most High


I love the fact that God has a secret place. It means to me there must be something about Him that is mysterious and hidden, and not out in the open for all to see. Well, it is written that no man can see Him and live.

You could say that God is not necessarily an open book. He is not the “show business” type of god that so many make Him out to be. Despite the magnificence of creation all around us; God still chooses to remain a mystery, silent on many things we wish He would speak about, and all together entirely “other” than ourselves. Indeed He calls all men to Himself, but few are actually chosen. See, there is some mystery in this I think. And, just think for a moment how many centuries passed before Jesus was actually born, even though the promise of a coming messiah was well known. Might have part of the reason been that God was properly cautious, and didn’t reveal His heart before He was ready? Of course I’m speculating, but I wonder.

For those of us that believe in God and abide in His presence, we are hiding in this secret place. We are under the protection of the Almighty and His shadow covers us. This place is not seen by everyone, but we know as His beloved, that it exists. It is a place of refuge, a true light in the darkness. When the world around us becomes bitter to our soul and draining to our spirit, we can retreat into His presence where we may have the sweetest communion.

As I’m writing this post a memory keeps coming to my mind. I haven’t thought of this for quite some time. Perhaps there is a purpose at this time in recalling it. For me, and for any who could benefit from reading this.

When I was only fifteen or sixteen years old, I started having personal encounters or experiences where I believed and understood that the Holy Spirit was drawing me in closer, although I wouldn’t have referred to it as such at the time. At this time I also wore a charm bracelet that my aunt had started for me when I was around eight years of age.

One day, I walked down to a local Catholic shop to look at some charms to add to my bracelet, and I noticed a blue/sterling silver charm which had a dove engraved on it. I knew I had to have this charm, as it properly commemorated what was happening in my heart. I didn’t have the money for it right away so I saved my allowance until I could purchase it. I would go into the store from time to time to make sure it was still there. When I finally had the money, I remember running to the store as fast as I could. I honestly remember feeling that I couldn’t get there fast enough. No one else knew about this charm or the purchase. I wore this bracelet for many years, eventually taking all charms off except the engraved dove. I think I even had it blessed. The charm was a constant reminder to me that I had a place of refuge far from all that could ever harm or destroy. It was a reminder to me that there was One who loved me and was calling me to Himself.

Whenever I looked at this charm, I was brought back to the time when I can honestly say I first felt the Holy Spirit’s presence. I was sitting in my room in my childhood home studying, but feeling quite sad and alone at that moment. I remember looking up and out of my bedroom window, at the precise moment a very gentle, light, and refreshing breeze came into my room. The window was not even open. It happened in an instant. My first thought was not that this was Jesus or God….but that this was most surely the Holy Spirit. And, as a Catholic I already understood that all three were One. I felt a love in my heart beyond words and I silently started to cry. I just remember letting the tears flow as I began to relax in the Presence. This was such a humble and gentle Presence, but also very powerful. I honestly remember feeling all of this at once. It was an introduction and invitation at the same time it seemed.

No one knew about this experience of course, and I didn’t tell anyone for quite a long time. No one noticed my new charm on my bracelet either. But…… I was beginning to discover the Secret Place of the Most High.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Silence & the Mystery

An image came to me once while in a time of reflection. I was in a dark room, resting on a bed in a corner. I could see the bright sunlight through the doorway outside, as people walked by going about the business of the day. I knew Someone was with me, sitting on the floor. It was Jesus. He was simply sitting on the floor next to me, watching in silence as the people walked by. No words were spoken. None had to be. There are times when no words are necessary in intimacy.

What does this image mean to me? It is deeply personal, and perhaps only completely understood by Him and I. As the people of the world continue to go about their business and move "forward", I feel at times my life has not been on the same course as many might choose or find in this life. I have had times where human nature takes over and the doubts start coming…and the fear I have actually lost years where I should have been living a “normal” life. My life is actually very simple in all outward appearance. I have days that I long for so much more. But, I have always understood the delicate nature of my spiritual walk. It is in the unseen where so much has happened. There is no worldly adulation for this….and of course that’s not the point, nor do I seek it.

A few years ago I was with a very small group of people in prayer. One woman sort of took the lead and was praying for all who were present. It was rather informal; she popped in for a quick visit and decided she would pray for everyone. She was a deeply spiritual woman, and words of encouragement came to her for all present. When she looked at me she paused for a moment as if she was studying me. She said to me, “I feel very strongly that you are a force to be contended with.” And, that was it. These words meant so much to me because I understood in my heart what was being conveyed.

I don’t write this to bring attention to myself. I write about this today because I must. What has been going on in my life recently gives me great cause to do spiritual battle and be that force that God has created or given me the grace to be.

Psalms 144: 1-7

Blessed be the LORD my strength which teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:

My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdues my people under me.

LORD, what is man, that you take knowledge of him! or the son of man, that you make account of him!

Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passes away.

Bow your heavens, O LORD, and come down: touch the mountains and they shall smoke. Cast forth lightning, and scatter them: shoot out your arrows, and destroy them.

Send your hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children;Whose mouth speaks vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood.

I will sing a new song to you, O God: on a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises to you.