"Worship Me"....

A recent evening I was spending time alone in prayer before going to sleep. I felt a unique (for lack of a better word) sense of God’s presence that I haven’t in a while, or perhaps never before in some aspect.

It was a sense of “knowing” God separate from our human understanding and perception. In an instant I was reminded that He is not like us. This is the reason we worship Him. It is so easy with all that is available to us in the physical realm of our faith, to fall into a place where God perhaps becomes too "familiar", and we begin to think that He is in some way like us.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, and Jesus came to us as a man….God with us for a time on earth, as He is with us now seated at the right hand of God. Although Jesus humbly submitted to God in His incarnation and experienced many of the things we do, He was always above it and never completely like us. Many things He said testified to this.

It may seem to some that I am simply stating the obvious, as to many the true meaning of worship means different things.

I am referring to that place we may go in our hearts where we abandon ourselves into His presence, and let go of anything that has to with our own perception and humanity. In doing this, we acknowledge His majesty as we fall upon that Force that shatters us into a million pieces and transforms us. 

As I began to pray that evening,…a holy presence seemed to enter the space around me and within me. And these words with such love and passion behind them came to me…....”Worship Me”. My words instantly fell away from my heart and mind and I remembered that God seeks, desires, and loves our worship. This is what we were ultimately created for…and no man can truly be at peace unless His heart is given to worship the living God.

What’s interesting is that His presence in this manner has not left me for two days now. I can be busy at work or quiet at home and it is the same. We need to have moments and times when we can get away to quiet place, but I’m realizing that a heart focused on adoring God can do it all times….in any circumstance. It’s an attitude of the heart, but it is also a gift and a privilege.

Even as people of faith, we can get caught up in searching for happiness and significance in so many ways and things outside of God’s presence. When, what we need is only one thing….and that is a heart that truly desires to know Him and love Him for who He really is. It is through this, that everything else falls into place. With an attitude of worship prevalent in our hearts we are more likely to remain vigilant, focused, humble, joyful, and able to put everything that concerns us in its proper place. And that place is at His feet and under His majesty. An attitude of worship keeps us in communion with Him. Even when we are in fear and uncertainty, we should worship Him as He is God and above all.

God is separate…He is …other…not like us. And yet, He draws us ever closer in intimacy and love when our hearts are moved to worship Him in spirit and truth. This is a great mystery I think…...it leaves me in awe.

Going Underground

Recently when I was contemplating one morning, I felt that all too familiar, but arresting Voice say to me: " You are going underground". It was explained to me that, there is a place with God among His people that I have yet to experience. I sensed this place is not to be found among the typical Christian circles that I have been accustomed to. I had a dream which seemed to verify this a few days later.

For the record, I haven't really moved in Christian circles for quite some time. My heart just hasn't been in it. If you knew me and my history you would understand, I think.

It makes sense that it would come to this in that, I'm at a stage in my walk where I can barely stomach so much that I see around me in the name of Christianity, even among Catholics. Well sometimes, especially Catholics.

This theme is really nothing new to me, it can be seen in a few of my past posts. For some reason it's becoming more pronounced though in my heart.

I see a lot of denial and childish play more than I see truth and honesty in following Jesus. I become so angry when I witness people playing with the Holy Spirit as if He is some puppet to be manipulated, or they simply deny Him altogether. He certainly does not need me to defend Him in the least, as He is all power and glory. The First and the Last. So many seem to want to play Christianity more than they really want to know God.

I have noticed in the last few months my tolerance for b.s. is becoming increasingly limited. It never was that strong to begin with. In the past I may have lingered for a time in the name of compassion, but now I just walk away, and I do it quickly. I have learned that in certain instances my compassion was misguided. I no longer try to explain myself, or try too hard to be understood. I just move on. I'm starting to become much less concerned with what people think, in the right sense. I don't mean in the sense that I won't listen and take in what another well meaning and sincere person has to say to me.

I'm not angry in the wrong sense either. I believe I feel a righteous anger, as far as I can tell. I'm not unhappy in a sense of feeling hopeless. I am most definitely hopeful....and I believe I have gone through everything I have for such a time as this. It's all coming together. I have to go where my heart is led.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." I feel like shouting from a mountain to all of Christendom, "Learn what this means!". But, I have learned over the years that purity of heart is something you either have....or you don't. It's not something that can be learned. It is the gift of God.

I'm going to conclude by posting something written by A.W. Tozer. He was not Catholic, but he was and still is truly a voice in the desert. I love his book, "The knowledge of the Holy".

I read the following for the first time today....and all I can say is that I can relate so much. It was a comfort to me to find it. This man has articulated very well what I honestly feel on a daily basis.


THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN
by A.W. Tozer
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else.


"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4: 1-4)

The Secret Place of the Most High

I love the fact that God has a secret place. It means to me there must be something about Him that is mysterious and hidden, and not out in the open for all to see. Well, it is written that no man can see Him and live.

You could say that God is not necessarily an open book. He is not the “show business” type of god that so many make Him out to be. Despite the magnificence of creation all around us; God still chooses to remain a mystery, silent on many things we wish He would speak about, and all together entirely “other” than ourselves. Indeed He calls all men to Himself, but few are actually chosen. See, there is some mystery in this I think. And, just think for a moment how many centuries passed before Jesus was actually born, even though the promise of a coming messiah was well known. Might have part of the reason been that God was properly cautious, and didn’t reveal His heart before He was ready? Of course I’m speculating, but I wonder.

For those of us that believe in God and abide in His presence, we are hiding in this secret place. We are under the protection of the Almighty and His shadow covers us. This place is not seen by everyone, but we know as His beloved, that it exists. It is a place of refuge, a true light in the darkness. When the world around us becomes bitter to our soul and draining to our spirit, we can retreat into His presence where we may have the sweetest communion.

As I’m writing this post a memory keeps coming to my mind. I haven’t thought of this for quite some time. Perhaps there is a purpose at this time in recalling it. For me, and for any who could benefit from reading this.

When I was only fifteen or sixteen years old, I started having personal encounters or experiences where I believed and understood that the Holy Spirit was drawing me in closer, although I wouldn’t have referred to it as such at the time. At this time I also wore a charm bracelet that my aunt had started for me when I was around eight years of age.

One day, I walked down to a local Catholic shop to look at some charms to add to my bracelet, and I noticed a blue/sterling silver charm which had a dove engraved on it. I knew I had to have this charm, as it properly commemorated what was happening in my heart. I didn’t have the money for it right away so I saved my allowance until I could purchase it. I would go into the store from time to time to make sure it was still there. When I finally had the money, I remember running to the store as fast as I could. I honestly remember feeling that I couldn’t get there fast enough. No one else knew about this charm or the purchase. I wore this bracelet for many years, eventually taking all charms off except the engraved dove. I think I even had it blessed. The charm was a constant reminder to me that I had a place of refuge far from all that could ever harm or destroy. It was a reminder to me that there was One who loved me and was calling me to Himself.

Whenever I looked at this charm, I was brought back to the time when I can honestly say I first felt the Holy Spirit’s presence. I was sitting in my room in my childhood home studying, but feeling quite sad and alone at that moment. I remember looking up and out of my bedroom window, at the precise moment a very gentle, light, and refreshing breeze came into my room. The window was not even open. It happened in an instant. My first thought was not that this was Jesus or God….but that this was most surely the Holy Spirit. And, as a Catholic I already understood that all three were One. I felt a love in my heart beyond words and I silently started to cry. I just remember letting the tears flow as I began to relax in the Presence. This was such a humble and gentle Presence, but also very powerful. I honestly remember feeling all of this at once. It was an introduction and invitation at the same time it seemed.

No one knew about this experience of course, and I didn’t tell anyone for quite a long time. No one noticed my new charm on my bracelet either. But…… I was beginning to discover the Secret Place of the Most High.

Embracing the Silence....to Listen

I was just reading an article on the importance of listening to others. When someone listens to us it is healing, and all of us have a deep seated need to be heard. As I was reading I felt a compassion rising in my heart for all those who just need someone to listen.

Apparently when Dan Rather interviewed Mother Teresa once, he asked her what it was she said to God when she prayed. “Nothing,” she said. “I just listen.” Rather than asked her, “Then what does God say to you?” “Nothing,” she said. “He just listens.”

Simple – beautiful – eternal.

The Silence & the Mystery

An image came to me once while in a time of reflection. I was in a dark room, resting on a bed in a corner. I could see the bright sunlight through the doorway outside, as people walked by going about the business of the day. I knew Someone was with me, sitting on the floor. It was Jesus. He was simply sitting on the floor next to me, watching in silence as the people walked by. No words were spoken. None had to be. There are times when no words are necessary in intimacy.

What does this image mean to me? It is deeply personal, and perhaps only completely understood by Him and I. As the people of the world continue to go about their business and move "forward", I feel at times my life has not been on the same course as many might choose or find in this life. I have had times where human nature takes over and the doubts start coming…and the fear I have actually lost years where I should have been living a “normal” life. My life is actually very simple in all outward appearance. I have days that I long for so much more. But, I have always understood the delicate nature of my spiritual walk. It is in the unseen where so much has happened. There is no worldly adulation for this….and of course that’s not the point, nor do I seek it.

A few years ago I was with a very small group of people in prayer. One woman sort of took the lead and was praying for all who were present. It was rather informal; she popped in for a quick visit and decided she would pray for everyone. She was a deeply spiritual woman, and words of encouragement came to her for all present. When she looked at me she paused for a moment as if she was studying me. She said to me, “I feel very strongly that you are a force to be contended with.” And, that was it. These words meant so much to me because I understood in my heart what was being conveyed.

I don’t write this to bring attention to myself. I write about this today because I must. What has been going on in my life recently gives me great cause to do spiritual battle and be that force that God has created or given me the grace to be.

Psalms 144: 1-7

Blessed be the LORD my strength which teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:

My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdues my people under me.

LORD, what is man, that you take knowledge of him! or the son of man, that you make account of him!

Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passes away.

Bow your heavens, O LORD, and come down: touch the mountains and they shall smoke. Cast forth lightning, and scatter them: shoot out your arrows, and destroy them.

Send your hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children;Whose mouth speaks vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood.

I will sing a new song to you, O God: on a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises to you.

You Must Know Him

I had a dream years ago which helped set the course of my spiritual walk I believe to where I am today. At the time of my dream I was attending a small non-denominational charismatic church in the mid-west. Looking back, it was one of the most traumatic periods of my life as I tried to navigate a culture I could not relate to nor tolerate in good conscience for very long. What was so traumatic at times was the intense confusion brought about by the presence of some truth and sincerity mixed with more error and religious self righteousness.

My dream:

I was attending a Sunday service with this group. Suddenly, I stood up on a chair and called out to them, “You must KNOW Him, you must KNOW Him!” Many in attendance were walking past me and looking away as they seemed oblivious to my words. They wouldn’t or couldn’t hear me. (It felt a little like I could have been Joan of Arc as she defied the cautious strategy that characterized French leadership during her time.) I had a long black dress on, which I later understood to symbolize mystery and femininity I believe. Mystery and femininity often are linked together…and can also be symbols of the Holy Spirit.

This dream came at a time when I was starting to distance myself from this group with not a few raised eyebrows. It was a comfort to me as it affirmed what I was already feeling. That is, the culture of Christianity around us often has little to do with the person of Jesus who walked the earth. As a matter of fact, they are so diametrically opposed to one another that anyone moving in these circles (whatever denomination) who does not truly desire to know God, will likely become their worst possible selves. There is just something insidious to the core when there is a ‘quest for God’ within all the man made props we form internally and outside of ourselves. God will never be found there. (I’m not referring to certain tools of devotion we may use from time to time like art or certain sacred objects.)

When Jesus was speaking with the Samaritan woman at the well, He answered her referral to places of worship like Jerusalem and that of a certain mountain by saying, “Women, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.”

Around this time as well, I had another significant experience: I was sitting alone at a table with different versions of the bible, a concordance, and some bible commentaries. In the circles I associated with at the time there was a strong focus on bible study, and getting to ‘know’ God this way. Suddenly, it felt like a presence seemed to come into the room, and from behind me. I looked up from what I was reading and felt what can best described as a hot chill within and around me. These words strongly came to my heart, “Cheri, when you want to get to know someone, do you read a book about them?”

I understood at that moment, that while the scriptures are a tool and contain the living Word of God (and I refer to them frequently in my postings), they are not all of God’s words. Neither are all of Christ’s actions contained within. There is a knowing Jesus that only comes from our personal communion with Him, and this is what He is most jealous for in us.

In Matthew Chapter 7, Jesus lays out some very strong points in reference to what walking with Him honestly entails. Some of these include not being judgmental of others without first looking at our own actions; not casting your pearls before swine and giving what is holy to dogs; anyone who is truly seeking should ask and they will find; enter by the narrow gate; and beware of false prophets who come in sheep’s clothing. All of these are quite serious and could each be elaborated on further at some length.

His final point which comes directly after these, I believe is the most sobering: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.’ (Matthew 7: 21-23)

This is where true discernment is so vital. There are actually those who consider themselves to be strong Christians, performing certain spiritual acts that they are convinced are the gifts of the Holy Spirit in action, and these are absolutely nothing of the kind.

The reason I am so passionate about this subject is that in my own personal walk with Christ, I had to fight so hard to be where I am today, and it is sometimes a very lonely place. Even after I returned to the Catholic Church, I found my walk isolating. It saddens me when I see Catholics following after or taking part in much of what I referred to above. As Catholics we have a treasure in the universal message and understanding of Christ’s salvation that transcends the factions that tear apart and divide.

I never came into this because I was searching for easy answers. Many nights I cried myself to sleep as I struggled with the confusion and chaos of much that surrounded me. I still do at times. It can truly be fight to get to know the true person of Jesus, instead of all that functions in His name only.

I have always wanted to simply know God. To know who He really is. I love the mystery of it all. Many times when I’m feeling the pressure surround me, I have learned to retreat to His presence when I’m alone. In the last two years or so, what comes to me more often in these times is this: A simple but profound declaration: “I AM”

"……….they put Jesus in show business, now it’s hard to get in the door.” U2