A Severe Strength Lies Within Our Greatest Weakness

I have always admired the fierce determination, focus, and strength I have at times seen in others during times of hardship or testing. Anyone having the courage to go after a dream despite seemingly impossible obstacles amazes me.

I was reading an article recently where one of my favorite singers, Lisa Gerrard, was interviewed. The interviewer asked when it was that she first realized she had a “unique” singing ability. She simply answered: “I am not unique, I am focused.” She went on to explain that her focus was a result of a desire to accomplish her God given mission, and not of any awareness of a particular uniqueness in her singing ability. This is certainly admirable. If you ask me, this is the right sort of focus.

One of my all time favorite movies, The Right Stuff, also comes to mind. Chuck Yeager, as a test pilot, never seemed to let fear get in his way as he consistently pushed the envelope in his day. If he ever was fearful it seems he didn’t show it.

I happen to be fascinated with aircraft and all things regarding flying, ever since I was a child. This has a lot to do of course with the influence of my father. He has a pilot’s license and a particular love of flying himself. I remember as a child standing next to him as we looked out an airport window watching planes take off. We looked on in silence for a bit, and then he simply said to me, “I think one of the greatest things man has ever learned to do is fly.” I would certainly agree. This is a great human accomplishment where many who lived before us forged ahead toward a seemingly impossible mission.

In my own life I have recently been trying get back a focus that I once had, and great movies certainly inspire. A type of focus and determination I was raised to believe was necessary to possess at all times. My mother actually keeps a magnet on her refrigerator that reads, “To be bored is like taking poison.” I have at times felt a tremendous amount of guilt for thinkng I'm perhaps not being focused enough. This I carry with me every day as I go on navigating my particular path. I simply feel there is not enough time to get everything done I need to do. However, I seem to at times be so easily affected by the sadness of others and the pain in the world. As I take this on, I tend to lose my focus and attention on other things.

In my spiritual life, I have at times felt incredibly weak. Realizing that one can truly do nothing without God requires an act of faith and humility that will in unison destroy any “I am a self-made man or women” mentality we have lingering about. Abiding in Him does not leave a lot of room for the false sort of ambition.

A couple of days ago as I was once again contemplating this whole idea of focus and activity versus surrender, (I understand we can do both in God, as all things are complete in God) and suddenly God felt particularly close. I sensed that His Spirit was attracted to in me, at that moment, a particular fragility contained within a severe strength that was entirely based on my faith in Him. In the same moment that I was telling myself I needed to be ever stronger, God was delighting in my fragility. How could he find this beautiful?

And then He reminded me, “My strength is perfected in your weakness.” In all the ways that we are weak, He is strong. In all the ways we are strong, He is there making us even stronger, all the while perfecting that strength into a sweet aroma for His cause and purpose.

The truth is I am incredibly focused, and herein lies the source of much frustration. I see a goal, and I want to forge ahead and accomplish it…. yesterday. This doesn’t always fit with God’s plan. My focus against all odds remains on the One who has set me free from the law of sin and death. The fragility and “weakness” I get so frustrated within myself for possessing at times serves a particular purpose. It keeps me humble, and compassionate toward the plight of others.

God is love. This is what this life is all about. If we cannot enter into the pain and suffering of others, we cannot know God.

So let us thank God for our strengths and weaknesses. For in the recesses of our greatest weakness, is the seed of a beautiful, eternal, severe strength that no one can take from us, ever.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12: 9)

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart: wait I say on the Lord".(Psalm 27:14)

Resting in the Garden

I was very busy at work today. I didn’t stop to rest for a second, as I wanted to get a lot of organizing done and certain other tasks out of the way in anticipation of the busy weekend ahead. As I was working, the gentlest voice spoke within my heart. He said to me, “Come into My garden.” I smiled to myself as I thought what a beautiful invitation this was. It wasn’t just the words, but the feeling behind the words. When your Master calls, there is a feeling like none other. After a pause He spoke again. “Don’t go out tonight. Come into My garden.” And then again a moment later, “Come into My garden.”

Is this the first time this has happened? No. I have felt the wooing of my Lord before. But every time it’s like being asked out on a first date all over again. For each of us the Lord’s garden is something unique and special, only meant for us and Him. He prepares a place for us as if we were the only person He chose to visit in this manner.

I then began to picture what this garden would look like. I had imagined other, different gardens before. But today, I imagined a small, beautiful garden with small quiet fountains and many flowers. Especially roses… my favorite. I happen to like Japanese gardens in particular, and I think I was imagining something like this. I thought of dew on bright green plants and a light mist gently falling, and then slowly parting so we could see each other. I pictured a quiet place with much peace. Perhaps no words even had to be spoken between us for a time.

Beyond the physical beauty of the place, there is the excitement and the expectation that comes. We might say to ourselves, “I wonder what He wants to say to me? I wonder what we will talk about?

After I finished working today, I actually went to a couple of garden shops so I could walk around and enjoy the flowers and plants. I was also shopping for this coming Sunday, which is Mother’s Day. Even walking around in a place like this, I could relax and feel at peace. What is it about a garden that is so special? Is it a reminder to us of a place we once occupied, in complete and perfect union with God? That beautiful place that Jesus left, to rescue us and bring us back to Him?

Go to Him. He waits for each and every one of us to behold Him as He really is. This is the only way we can see ourselves and others as He truly meant for us and them to be. How can we say we love God if we do not love others? How can we say we truly love others, if we do not love God? Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me, you can do nothing.” (John 15: 4-5)

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15: 12-13)

" No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you." (John 15: 15)

"Fellowship of the Unashamed"

" I am part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down,back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, slight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position,promotions, plaudits, or popularity.

I now live by presence, lean by faith, love by patience,lift by prayer, and labor by power. My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, myroad is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until Heaven returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.

My colors will be clear."

I can't be sure, but I read that the above was written a by an African pastor shortly before he was martyred, or newly ordained. I don't know which. Perhaps it was neither, or perhaps both. I found this and had to post this as I feel I can relate. Enough said.

I like the line, "I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity." There is an aspect of strong faith that must be present in order for us to excercize this. This reminds me of Jesus in the boat with His disciples.

Matthew 8: 23-26

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.

Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.

The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Embracing the Silence....to Listen

I was just reading an article on the importance of listening to others. When someone listens to us it is healing, and all of us have a deep seated need to be heard. As I was reading I felt a compassion rising in my heart for all those who just need someone to listen.

Apparently when Dan Rather interviewed Mother Teresa once, he asked her what it was she said to God when she prayed. “Nothing,” she said. “I just listen.” Rather than asked her, “Then what does God say to you?” “Nothing,” she said. “He just listens.”

Simple – beautiful – eternal.

Behind the Veil

Hello from the desert. It has been magnificent and anything but “dry”.

I am in the process of simplifying and selling off most of my books except for a treasured few. 

This morning I was just about to package a sale for Thomas a Kempis’ “The Inner Life”, when I opened it quickly and took one last look.

I turned to Chapter 43: ‘A Warning against Vain and Worldly Learning’.

Christ: “My son, do not allow fair phrases and subtle sayings to beguile you; for the Kingdom of God comes not by words, but by My power. Pay attention to My words, for they fire the heart and lighten the understanding, foster contrition and bring all comfort. Never study in order to appear wiser and learned; study rather to overcome your besetting sins, for this will profit you more than will the grasp of intricate problems.

When you have read and mastered many subjects, always return to this fundamental truth: that I am He who teaches man knowledge, and who grants My children a clearer understanding than man can impart. He whom I teach will swiftly gain wisdom and advance far in the life of the spirit. But those who seek curious knowledge from men, and care nothing for My service, will discover only sorrow. In due time Christ will come, the Teacher of teachers and the Lord of Angels. He will hear the lessons of all; that is, He will examine each man’s conscience. He will search Jerusalem with lamps; the hidden things of darkness will be brought to light, and the tongues of controversy silenced.

There was once a man who loved Me very dearly, who learned My divine secrets, and spoke eloquently of Me. He profited more by renouncing everything than by studying subtleties. For to some I speak on everyday affairs; to others on particular matters; to some I graciously reveal Myself in signs and symbols, while to those who are enlightened I reveal my mysteries.

A book has but a single voice, but is not equally profitable to all who read it. I alone am the Teacher of truth, the Searcher of man’s heart, the Discerner of his doings, and I give to each man as I judge right."

I had a vision once at night before going to sleep. I was in a library with books stacked everywhere on a multitude of shelves. It was as if an unseen hand moved the library off to the side, like sliding a curtain out of the way. As this “veil” was removed, I was simply in the presence of God. I realized at that moment that God is so far beyond all that has ever been written about Him, or otherwise.

So, as Christ stated through Thomas Kempis, as long as we keep our eyes fixed on Him alone, we will each obtain the necessary knowledge needed for the purpose He has for each of us.

The Waiting....

As I do share some of my spiritual experiences from time to time in this blog, there is yet another I would like to mention.

A few nights ago, I had what seemed like a vision. The last one I had was the night before I left Ireland to return to America in 2005. In the most recent one I was shown some personal things, but there is one thing in particular I would like to share. I heard the numbers 1:22 in my heart. Not knowing what time it was, I reached over to look at my cell phone, and it was exactly 1:22 in the morning. I still wasn’t sure of the significance of these numbers.

The next day, I was talking to a friend , and he shared with me that he had prayed for me the night before for some continuing peace and direction. As I shared with him about 1:22, he looked over at the open bible next to him on a table and read this:

“In all these things Job sinned not by his lips, nor spoke he any foolish thing against God.”

(Job 1:22)

I was told years ago by a deeply spiritual person who had some wisdom and maturity, that I would go through a time of severe testing in my life for the purpose and glory of God. A knowledge of or understanding of the story of Job is quite significant, in that it is one story that takes away the veil for a moment and gives us a glimpse into the perfect wisdom and knowledge of God that is at times beyond our comprehension. Job was most severely tested for the purpose and glory of God.

Job was not a perfect man, he did make mistakes and this is most definitely pointed out to him in the story. I am not perfect either obviously, and I have made foolish mistakes as I tried to navigate my spiritual walk, and I grieve over these every day.

There were times of wavering, and feeling incredibly weak. I have experienced intense confusion at times. The turmoil and confusion was beyond unbearable at times. I can relate to Job as the story tells how his friends came to him and started giving him all sorts of advice. I have gotten this too. I have been told time and time again that God is not the author of confusion. I feel a righteous indignation at times when anyone comes to me and says what is of God and what isn’t. How or who is anyone to really say who God is? Even though the veil in the temple was torn in two and we are united with God through His son in this age, I believe there is a holy distance and respect we must keep in regard to our perspective of an almighty God.

I still feel so tired at times after the testing and the waiting. God will renew all things. I am truly in awe.

Sacrifice & Restoration

A few days ago I imagined Jesus standing in front of an altar. He was passionately admonishing all those listening to remember or understand more fully the sacrifice He made for us, in assuming a human identity and giving His life for us. It was no small thing. What His decision cost Him is probably not fully understood by mankind in the slightest.

I was raised Catholic, so the image of a suffering Jesus on a cross is nothing new. Over the years one can almost become desensitized to this image.

What Jesus did for us is not an accessory we wear like a badge or an adorning piece of jewelry. His act cost Him everything, and this sacrifice was necessary for uniting mankind back to personal relationship with God. He gave His very life, and this sacrifice becomes our life if we receive it as such. In Catholic circles I have heard an individual’s acceptance of Christ’s sacrifice called a “conversion” experience. In Protestant circles one might hear the words “born again” or “saved”.

Yes, there are abuses, cultural clichés, and a lack of true understanding of what these words actually mean. But, it doesn’t take away the fact that yes, Jesus requires each of us to make the same sacrifice and share in His sufferings to become united to God for eternity. There is no other way this is accomplished. Eating His flesh and drinking His blood in the form of bread and wine should remind us of the seriousness of the covenant we have made with Him. I’m sure for many it does.

As I think back I remember the struggle and confusion in my heart regarding the decision I was about to make. I knew back then it wasn’t a light one and it would cost me everything, but also, I knew there was no other way. My confusion stemmed from the fact that I wanted truth and intimacy with God, but I didn’t want in any way to be a part of the culture I seemed suddenly surrounded with. In my thinking at the time, I felt that to accept Jesus fully was to as well accept the interpretation of others regarding His true nature. I write “fully” because I had always believed in Jesus since I was a child, but I didn’t understand the fullness of the gospel message.

I remember the exact moment where, in my heart I gave a full surrender to God. It must have been something like what Jesus felt when He submitted His will to God in the garden. I remember the emotional pain. I also remember a final letting go and that the room seemed to fill with light. I felt something supernatural was happening.

Every day I feel the sting of the sacrifice in my own life as a result of choosing to drink His cup. This comes in many ways as I am changed daily through the things I suffer. I also feel a glorious intimacy with Him and all of heaven, which could never have been realized by any other means. God can take us places we never thought possible, or more beautiful than we feel we are ever promised.

To illustrate I would like to share a dream I had once:

I was locked in one of three closets that were in the bedroom of my parents. My parents have three children. Suddenly, the door of my closet opened and I was free. As I walked out of the closet, I proceeded to walk down a long staircase just off the bedroom. When I got to the bottom of the steps I was standing in an ancient Roman garden in ruins. I could see pottery shards in the overgrown weeds that were bright blue and gold in color. I could tell just by looking at the shards that the pieces were quite beautiful at one time. There was also a fountain crumbling in the center of the garden. As I stood there looking at the scene I was completely overwhelmed. I knew I was given the job of restoring this garden, but felt helpless to do it alone. Just then, a group of people who had been standing behind me moved forward to stand next to me at my right and left side, and I knew that ultimately I wouldn’t be alone.

I knew from this dream I was being shown the beauty God wanted to ‘restore’ to my generational line. I assumed there was some sort of originally intended purpose in Him that had been lost. It certainly is not a task for the faint at heart. But, see what we can be shown if we surrender to Him? I would have never imagined such a thing without God. The sacrifice of Jesus was for the purpose of restoration, and so it is with us as well.

"Death is swallowed up in victory.
Oh death, where is your victory?
Oh, death, where is your sting?"