You Must Know Him

I had a dream years ago which helped set the course of my spiritual walk I believe to where I am today. At the time of my dream I was attending a small non-denominational charismatic church in the mid-west. Looking back, it was one of the most traumatic periods of my life as I tried to navigate a culture I could not relate too nor tolerate in good conscience for very long. What was so traumatic at times was the intense confusion brought about by the presence of some truth and sincerity mixed with more error and religious self righteousness.

My dream:

I was attending a Sunday service with this group. Suddenly, I stood up on a chair and called out to them, “You must KNOW Him, you must KNOW Him!” Many in attendance were walking past me and looking away as they seemed oblivious to my words. They wouldn’t or couldn’t hear me. (It felt a little like I could have been Joan of Arc as she defied the cautious strategy that characterized French leadership during her time.) I had a long black dress on, which I later understood to symbolize mystery and femininity I believe. Mystery and femininity often are linked together…and can also be symbols of the Holy Spirit.

This dream came at a time when I was starting to distance myself from this group with not a few raised eyebrows. It was a comfort to me as it affirmed what I was already feeling. That is, the culture of Christianity around us often has little to do with the person of Jesus who walked the earth. As a matter of fact, they are so diametrically opposed to one another that anyone moving in these circles (whatever denomination) who does not truly desire to know God, will likely become their worst possible selves. There is just something insidious to the core when there is a ‘quest for God’ within all the man made props we form internally and outside of ourselves. God will never be found there. (I’m not referring to certain tools of devotion we may use from time to time like art or certain sacred objects.)

When Jesus was speaking with the Samaritan woman at the well, He answered her referral to places of worship like Jerusalem and that of a certain mountain by saying, “Women, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth.”

Around this time as well, I had another significant experience: I was sitting alone at a table with different versions of the bible, a concordance, and some bible commentaries. In the circles I associated with at the time there was a strong focus on bible study, and getting to ‘know’ God this way. Suddenly, it felt like a presence seemed to come into the room, and from behind me. I looked up from what I was reading and felt what can best described as a hot chill within and around me. These words strongly came to my heart, “Cheri, when you want to get to know someone, do you read a book about them?”

I understood at that moment, that while the scriptures are a tool and contain the living Word of God (and I refer to them frequently in my postings), they are not all of God’s words. Neither are all of Christ’s actions contained within. There is a knowing Jesus that only comes from our personal communion with Him, and this is what He is most jealous for in us.

In Matthew Chapter 7, Jesus lays out some very strong points in reference to what walking with Him honestly entails. Some of these include not being judgmental of others without first looking at our own actions; not casting your pearls before swine and giving what is holy to dogs; anyone who is truly seeking should ask and they will find; enter by the narrow gate; and beware of false prophets who come in sheep’s clothing. All of these are quite serious and could each be elaborated on further at some length.

His final point which comes directly after these, I believe is the most sobering: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.’ (Matthew 7: 21-23)

This is where true discernment is so vital. There are actually those who consider themselves to be strong Christians, performing certain spiritual acts that they are convinced are the gifts of the Holy Spirit in action, and these are absolutely nothing of the kind.

The reason I am so passionate about this subject is that in my own personal walk with Christ, I had to fight so hard to be where I am today, and it is sometimes a very lonely place. Even after I returned to the Catholic Church, I found my walk isolating. It saddens me when I see Catholics following after or taking part in much of what I referred to above. As Catholics we have a treasure in the universal message and understanding of Christ’s salvation that transcends the factions that tear apart and divide.

I never came into this because I was searching for easy answers. Many nights I cried myself to sleep as I struggled with the confusion and chaos of much that surrounded me. I still do at times. It can truly be fight to get to know the true person of Jesus, instead of all that functions in His name only.

I have always wanted to simply know God. To know who He really is. I love the mystery of it all. Many times when I’m feeling the pressure surround me, I have learned to retreat to His presence when I’m alone. In the last two years or so, what comes to me more often in these times is this: A simple but profound declaration: “I AM”

"……….they put Jesus in show business, now it’s hard to get in the door.” U2